Sexual Harassment
by Marielle
Summary: A quality Reno 911 Episode by Mrl. RE. Read and enjoy. and review if you feel so inclined.
1. Opening Scene

Mrl's Reno 911 Episode  
  
Hi guys, my first Reno episode. I'm so mad it has no category.  
  
I hope you like it. I think it's pretty true to form, at least for a first season episode, which was when I wrote it. And I wrote it BEFORE I saw the episode about the Homeland Security.  
  
Also, I do not own Dangle, Junior, Garcia, Weigel, Clemmy, or Raineesha. I do own Tom Lennon, he is MINE! OK no I don't, but I own Ben Garant, it's in a contract! (I also own Michael Showalter and Ken Marino. DIBS!!!!!) just kidding.  
  
and if you never saw The State, you wouldn't get that. Sorry. You lose. :P  
  
and now, Mrl's Reno 911 Episode, entitled...  
  
"Sexual Harassment"  
  
INTRO:  
  
_Lt. J. Dangle and Dep. T. Junior are driving in the car talking._   
  
**Junior**: "Remember when MTV was good?"   
  
**Dangle** _(looks at Junior then back to the road): _"MTV sucks, man."   
  
**Junior**: "I know, but it USED to be good."

**Dangle**: "Yeah I guess, I guess there was some good stuff on there at some point..."

**Junior**: "Like Beavis and Butthead. Whatever happened to them?"  
  
_Pauses._  
  
"All those old shows, man..."

**Dangle**: "What about the State?"  
  
_ Pause._

**Junior**: "Nah that show sucked."

**Dangle**: "Yeah."  
  
_Pause. _

**Junior**: "Look out!"

**Dangle** _(looking at Junior while driving):_ "Don't recall that one."

**Junior** _(pointing to the road in front):_ "Look out!!"  
  
_ Crash and airbag.  
_  
CUT SCENE  
  
OPENING THEME SEQUENCE


	2. Scene 1

SCENE 1

Morning meeting.

9:45 am.

_Dangle is speaking to the group in the morning session._

**Dangle**: "Oh kaayy, first order of business today, we've received word that, ah, we can

no longer use the radios for, uh, personal communications."

**Garcia**: "You mean like, me telling Clemmy she's a censored censored?"

_Silence._

"Cause I think I could tone it down to just, ya know, I could call her a, uh, umm, uh…"

**Dangle** _(interrupting):_ "Any personal communications at all."

_Everyone sighs._

"Which brings me to my second point, which is sexual harassment."

**Clemmy**: "What??"

**Dangle**: "It's been brought to my attention that there's too much… flirtatious and

inappropriate behavior going on here at the station."

_Another silence._

"How many of you have been sexually harassed in the last month?"

_Pause._

"Come on, be honest."

_Everyone raises their hands including Dangle._

**Clemmy**: "Oh, you have not!"

_Clemmy backhands Weigel on the shoulder lightly before going back to filing her nails. Weigel slowly lowers her hand back to her lap._

**Dangle**: "See? There's too much of it goin on and it has been brought to my attention

by several… individuals… that it's become a real problem so lets just, cut

it out, all right guys? Any questions?"

_Weigel raises her hand._

"Okay if there's no questions, that's all I have, so…"

CUT SCENE


	3. Scene 2

SCENE 2

_Lt. Dangle and Dep. R. Williams are speaking to the camera._

**Dangle**: "I think that this is a good thing. We really need to crack down on the, ahh,

sexual harassment and uh… innuendos… here around the station."

**Williams**: "Hey, now, you didn't say nothing about innuendos."

_Dangle stares at her._

"Well, as long as I can still hit on my lover I'm fine."

**Dangle**_(chewing gum)_: "Lover?"

**Williams** _(after a long pause, with attitude):_ "… Jones!"

**Dangle**: "No. No you can't."

**Williams**: "Yes, I can, honey it ain't harassment if he likes it! And he loves his

Raineesha."

_Long pause._

**Dangle**: "No you can't."

**Williams**: "Yes I can, and don't nobody ever sexually harass Weigel either."

**Dangle**: "No. No, definitely not. God, no." Pause. "And no you can't."

**Williams** _(whispering to camera):_ "Yes I can."

_Long pause as if Dangle didn't hear her._

**Dangle** _(very quickly):_ "No you can't."

CUT SCENE


	4. Scene 3

SCENE 3

Cat stuck in tree.

11:15 am.

_Dep. T. Weigel and Dep. C. Johnson are driving in the car._

**Weigel**: "Ohhh, poor kitty! Poor poor kitty! We're coming! Ohh.."

**Clemmy**: "How are we supposed to get a car out of a damn tree, anyway?"

_They pull over to the side and get out. They look up into the branches of a tree by the side of the road. Weigel and Clemmy look at each other in silence. Clemmy shrugs and looks up again._

**Weigel**: "Heeeerrrre kitty! Here kitty kitty kitty!!"

_Clemmy walks back towards the car and stands by the drivers side door._

**Clemmy** _(yelling to Weigel): _"Am I allowed to use the radio to call for backup on this

one? Or is that, not allowed now?"

**Weigel**: "As long as you don't call the kitty a shead, that should be okay I

guess…"

_Clemmy sighs and gets in to call for back up. Weigel still calling for the kitty and putting her stick up trying to reach it._

CUT SCENE


	5. Scene 4

SCENE 4

11:25 am.

_Dep. Junior and Lt. Dangle are driving along in the squad car._

**Junior**: "So do you really think Weigel was sexually harassed?"

_Dangle shakes his head emphatically no._

**Dangle**: "No. Nooo way."

**Junior**: "I dunno, I mean, you never know with some guys. Maybe…"

_Dangle looks at Junior silently for a moment._

"Nevermind."

_Call comes over the radio about the cat in tree._

"We goin?"

**Dangle** _(turning the car left with a sigh):_ "Yeah…"

CUT SCENE


	6. Scene 5

SCENE 5

11:43 am.

**Weigel**: "Here kitty! Come on! Get down! You don't wanna be in that tree anymore,

do you?"

_Junior stands back and stares at the cat with his hands in his pockets._

_ Dangle sighs, whistling lightly._

**Junior**: "We could get, like, a, ladder, and uh, climb on up there and grab him down."

**Dangle**: "Who, you?"

**Junior**: "No, not me, I ain't getting bit by a cat."

**Dangle**: "You could use gloves."

**Junior**: "No way, might have rabies or sumpn."

**Clemmy**: "You deal with dogs all day, it's just a stupid cat!"

**Junior**: "Dogs are different."

**Clemmy**: "How?"

**Junior**: "Well they don't climb in trees, for one…"

**Weigel**: "He doesn't have rabies."

**Dangle**: "You know that for sure?"

**Weigel**: "Yes… no… what's rabies?"

**Junior**: "Maybe that's why he went nuts and climbed up there in the first place."

**Dangle**: "It'd take too long to get a ladder anyway. He'd probably die of exposure by

then."

_Weigel is still calling the cat to come down._

**Weigel**: "Here kitty! Come on! Get down! Get down! Come to Trudy, come on!"

**Dangle**: "Dammit, Weigel, wouldya _stop that??_"

_Weigel looks over at them. Dangle sighs and walks over and tries to reach up to the cat with another stick._

**Dangle**: "Here kitty… come on…get down…"

CUT SCENE


	7. Scene 6

SCENE 6

11:25 am.

_Dep. Garcia is driving alone._

**Garcia**: "You know, I can understand where the lieutenant's comin up with this sexual

harassment stuff, 'cause Johnson and Williams are always all up on me, you

know what I'm sayin? Makes a guy feel a little uncomfortable around the work place. I mean… what if Weigel started hitting on me too? That's something I just can't face every day when I go into work. Like some kinda, after school special or somethin."

_Garcia hears the call for the cat in the tree._

"Oh, this I gotta see…"

_Turns on his siren._

CUT SCENE


	8. Scene 7

SCENE 7

Cat stuck in tree.

12:20 pm.

_Clemmy walks over to greet Dep. Jones and Dep. Williams, who just pulled up. They walk over to everyone and look up as a group to assess _

_ the situation. _

_Weigel holds up some cat treats for the kitty, continuing to call to it._

**Clemmy**: "Trudy, _where_ did you get cat treats?"

_No one answers or pays any attention to the question._

_Garcia walks up and joins the group, standing in the back and not saying much._

**Dangle**: "Did anyone call the fire department?"

**Junior**: "Yeah, they got like, ladders and stuff." _He scratches his head._

_Everyone looks around innocently._

**Williams**: "What about animal control?"

**Jones**: "We can handle this, we don't need them, come on guys."

_Everyone stands around silent for a minute looking around and up at the _

_cat. The cat continues to meow._

**Williams**: "Jones, get up there and get him down! You know you can climb

a tree, go on!"

_Jones stares at her and shakes his head slowly._

_Junior picks up a rock and throws it into the tree. It hits the branch, _

_bounces off, and almost hits Williams in the head. She shoots a glare at _

_Junior, who shrugs and steps back._

**Garcia**: "Oh for God's sake!!"

_Garcia proceeds to take out his gun and quickly with one shot takes it _

_down. It falls down out of the tree onto the sidewalk, dead. Weigel stands _

_stunned with treats still in hand. Clemmy screams. Dangle looks at _

_Garcia with a shocked look on his face and Jones stands with his hands in the air questioningly._

**Garcia** _(in defense):_ "_WHAT???"_

CUT SCENE


	9. Scene 8

SCENE 8

_Dep. C. Johnson and Dep. J. Garcia are speaking to the camera._

**Johnson**: "I'd really like to know where Dangle started this whole, sexual harassment

thing. Because I for one don't have a problem with it, and I don't think anyone else does either. People should be as free and as open with their sexuality with as many people as they possibly can. Because you only go around once."

_She turns to Garcia._

**Garcia**: "I mean, the only one who raised her hand was Weigel."

**Johnson**: "And that's another thing. No one ever harassed Weigel. _Sexually._ I mean,

no one in their right mind. And without a life-threatening illness."

**Garcia**: "Well, uhh, there was that one time."

_Johnson stares at him._

"That one time with, uhh, with the prostitution sting and the, uhh, the cat suit."

_Long pause._

**Johnson**: "We're not gonna talk about that."

**Garcia**: "No." _Shakes head._

CUT SCENE


	10. Scene 9

SCENE 9

Speeding sting.

6:45 pm.

_Dep. Johnson is sitting in her car waiting for speeders. _

"You know, I've got nothing against killing animals. I mean for food, or for sport, or shelter, or whatever… but what Garcia did was just… sometimes I wonder. I reallllly wonder… like, if I was stuck, in a burning house, would he shoot me? I always wondered that. I guess now I know." _Long pause._ "Here we go."

_She turns on her siren and pulls over a silver Honda. She gets out of the_

_car and walks over to the the door. _

**Johnson**: "Good afternoon, sir, do you know why I pulled you over?"

**Driver**: "Look, I don't have any crack, okay?"

_Clemmy steps back a bit and holds her tablet down, looking at him._

**Johnson**: "I pulled ya over 'cause you were speeding, sir."

**Driver**: "No speed either, all right?"

_Clemmy stares at him silent for a while._

**Johnson**: "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were goin?"

**Driver**: "Why do you people always insist I'm on heroin? I'm not on any drugs, I don't

have any drugs, do I look like a drug, guy, to you? _NO, _no, no drugs! I'm not on

drugs, okay?"

_Clemmy holds her hands to her sides and steps back, looking at him with attitude._

**Johnson**: "Sir, step out of the car, please."

_Driver gets out. _

**Johnson**: "Hands on top of the car, please."

_Clemmy starts to search him._

**Driver**: "I thought you were going to give me a speeding ticket, not falsely accuse me of

being some, crazed, junkie."

**Johnson**: "You're just making it worse, sir, so be quiet about that stuff."

**Driver**: "There _is no snuff!!!_"

_Clemmy stares at him._

**Johnson**: "Snuff's not even illegal. Sir… can you give me one good reason why I s shouldn't just shoot you right now?"

_The driver just stares at her in a long pause._

"Get back in the car sir, and stay there a minute while I write up your _SPEE DING TICK ET!"_

_Clemmy walks back to the car and looks at the camera, shaking her head._

"Some people…"

CUT SCENE


	11. Scene 10

SCENE 10

Squad car

2:58 pm.

**Jones**: "If the lieutenant really wanted to put a stop to all sexual harassment, I think he'd

have to, uh, quit with the shorts."

**Garcia**: "Definitely. I completely agree."

**Jones**: "Because that's where all the problems are stemming from. Right there. It's like

the, it just, gives off an aura of sexual… harassment."

**Garcia**: "Totally. Uh-huh."

_Pause._

"But, in all fairness, Jonesey, you're part of the problem too."

**Jones**: "Huh?"

**Garcia**: "Look, all I'm sayin is that, what you and Clementine do in the privacy of your

own… motel room, well, that's your own business. But sometimes you could

keep your hands off a little, you know?"

**Jones**: "You're just jealous."

**Garcia**: "I'm not jealous. Been there, done that. And got tired of it. If you know what I

mean."

_Jones stares at Garcia for a moment._

**Johnson**_(Over the radio)_: "You have _not, GARCIA!!!"_

**Jones: ** "You left the police radio on?"

**Garcia**: "No I didn't, you did."

**Johnson**_(Over the radio again)_: "I wouldn't f you, Garcia, if you were the last

LIVING THING on the PLANET! I'd rather hump a _dog_!"

**Dangle**_(Over the radio)_: "Guys, this is what I was talking about when I said no personal

or explicit material over the radio."

_Jones and Garcia look at each other. Jones shuts it off. _

**Garcia**: "Whoa, hey, what do we got over here? Pull over, pull over."

_Jones pulls the car over. Jones and Garcia get out and approach a kid _

_selling lemonade at a stand._

"Whatcha sellin here, son?"

**Boy**: "Lemonade. Want some? It's only a dollar!"

**Jones**: "A dollar? That's a lot of money for a little cup of lemonade, don't you think?"

**Garcia**: "Yeah, you might lose some customers to some competition, there."

**Boy**: "Fifty cents?"

**Jones**_(smiling)_: "Sure, why not."

_Jones and Garcia each pay for a lemonade, then notice a sign that says _

_"Ask About the Grass" in crayon in a child's handwriting._

**Garcia**: "What else you selling there, boy?"

_Boy looks jumpy._

**Boy: **"Nothing."

**Jones**: "What about the, uh, the grass?"

**Boy**: "I mow lawns."

**Garcia**: "That so? You mow lawns, huh?"

**Boy**: "Yep."

**Garcia**: "Bulls."

_Jones tries to grab the boy but he starts running away._

**Jones**: "Don't you run! You better get back here! I'm gonna _find your parents!_"

_Garcia opens the boys cash box to find $20 and $50 bills. Shows it to Jones. They laugh, high five, and pocket the money._

CUT SCENE


	12. Scene 11

SCENE 11

Morning meeting.

8:30 am

_Dangle is addressing group at meeting._

**Dangle**: "Well, first off today, uhh, the radio situation has improved dramatically. So

thank you all for that."

_Everyone stares blankly._

"Second, the sexual harassment has still not stopped. In fact, it has gotten even _worse _in the past week, so…"

_Weigel nods and stares at the table._

**Clemmy** _(laughing):_ "No it hasn't!"

_Dangle sends her a sharp glare across the room._

**Williams**: "Hm mmm. Hm mmm, no, no it hasn't."

_Dangle looks at each of them who all nod in agreement. _

**Dangle**: "Well then, why.. why have I been getting all these notes? Huh?"

**Weigel**: "What notes?"

_Dangle looks down and then back up at them. He pulls out a piece of_

_paper and unfolds it, holding it up dramatically._

**Dangle**: "Who's this from?"

_Everyone looks away or down. Clemmy plays with her hair. Jones taps_

_his pen. Dangle sighs and stares at the note._

"When I see you in your shorts it drives me crazy… lets see… I want a piece of that _sweet ass?_ Come on guys this has gotta stop, now who wrote it?"

_He flashes them a glare of anger._

"This can't be tolerated! I know I'm not the only one getting these notes."

_Everyone nods._

"Well… who's writing them??"

_Dangle is visibly upset, note somewhat crumpled in hand as he throws it onto the podium._

_Everyone looks at Jones. Garcia points at Jones with a small motion._

"Jones? _You_ wrote this?"

_Dangle looks shocked._

" I am _very_ disappointed in you! In fact, I think we need to discuss this letter one on one, everybody out!"

_No one moves._

_Dangle motions with his hands to hurry up and get up and go._

CUT SCENE


	13. Scene 12

SCENE 12

_ Everyone is standing in a field, gathered in a circle around a small_

_ patch of dirt. The men are in uniform, Clemmy and Raineesha are_

_ in black dresses, and Trudy's wearing a cat shirt with a heart on it._

**Dangle**: "We are gathered here today to say good bye to our, dear, beloved friend…"

_Pause._

"The hell's his name, anyway?"

**Weigel**: "Eagle."

**Junior**: "_Eagle??"_

**Weigel** _(with attitude):_ "He _thought_ he was a bird, okay? He just wanted to fly!"

**Clemmy**: "Well was it a boy or a girl?"

_Pause._

**Dangle**: "A boy, I think."

**Junior**: "Yeah, yeah, definitely a boy."

**Clemmy** _(mumbles):_ "We could name him Garcia after the guy who killed him…"

**Garcia**: "Why do we gotta name the damn thing?"

**Jones**: "How bout Fluffy?"

**Dangle**: "I don't wanna call him that."

**Williams**: "Why not? Sounds fine to me, it's a regular cat name!"

**Dangle: **"I just don't like it okay, I just don't want to call him that."****

**Junior**: "Just call him Fluffy and lets get this overwith already."

**Dangle** _(mumbles):_ "I just don't wanna call him, _fluffy_, alright?"

**Garcia**: "I just don't see why we have to _name _ the damn _cat_!"

**Dangle**: "Fine, we'll just call him that. Okay, we're gathered here today to

say good bye to our dear furry friend… Fluffy. He was a… great… tree

climber… he just wasn't very good at climbing… back down."

**Weigel** _(quietly):_ "Or dodging evil bullets…"

**Dangle**: "So we will all miss him, and I hope that wherever he is, he's happy in, uh,

cat heaven, or, wherever."

**Clemmy**: "Amen."

**Williams**: "Mmm amen."

_Weigel puts a flower and a handful of cat treats on the grave. _

_Everyone stares at her._

**Weigel** _(in explanation):_ "Those were his favorites."

**Junior**: "All right lets go."

**Dangle**: "Yeah lets get outta here."

**Junior**: "You guys wanna go for drinks?"

**Garcia**: "Yeah sure lets go."

_Everyone glares at him and then walks away._

"_WHAT???" (Defensively_

CUT SCENE


	14. Next Week

_NEXT WEEK:_

_ Everyone at the meeting but Weigel._

**Williams**: "Wait wait, Weigel did _what??_"

**Dangle**: "I know, I know, but she's comin in today, so everyone try to be… tolerable?

'Cause she's pretty sensitive about it."

_ The door opens but you don't see who is entering._

_ You see everyone's face but not what they see._

**Williams**: "Ohh myy Gooddd…"

_Junior tips his sunglasses down to look over the top of them._

_ Jones snickers to himself._

_ Clemmy covers her mouth. _

_ Dangle just stares._

CUT SCENE

CREDITS


End file.
